Begin Again

So, sometimes you make a big decision, and it just doesn’t work out. What can you do but pick yourself back up, compile a new plan and start again? Because life doesn’t stop, and you’ll still turn thirty.

Well that’s exactly what I did at the beginning of last year, at twenty-eight and after two failed months in London, with no job and no relationship – having given everything up to chase a dream, and giving what I chased up to come back home. Starting fresh was hard, but it has been so so rewarding.

I could have taken the easy road and gone back to my old job for security, but I didn’t want that, I didn’t want to go back to that old life, I needed something new, I needed to find something that fit the ‘new me’. Not that I had changed, but I had gotten older and I had purposely left that part of my life behind, it was my past and that’s where I needed it to stay. So when I accidentally stumbled into my new job, and it started building itself into a career, things just felt right. And everything else just started to fall into place too. And I was happy.

I now have an amazing, supportive, fun group of friends, some old, some new, who I love like my own family. I have a strong sense of who I am and where I’m going. I have control over my life, I’m getting fit and healthy and staying positive – I’m so much happier and no where near as angry as I have been known to be in the past. And I have the most wonderful and supportive boyfriend I could ever ask for, who loves me for me, flaws, anger annoyingness and all. Things really have just fallen into place, and I guess, even with a few things still a bit up in the air, and a couple things I still need to achieve (like getting my book published, travelling more and meeting at least one of my idols) I find myself in a pretty fantastic place for a woman about to turn thirty.

I think the three most important things that I have learnt this year that have helped me reach a place of such solid contentedness, would be the following:

1. The past really is the past, leaving it there and moving forward is the key to staying sane and being really happy. Deal with it if you need to, face it, write about it, talk about it, get it out, whatever you need to do – then stop talking about it, writing about it and thinking about it and move on. Done.

2.Be yourself and don’t give a stuff what anyone that doesn’t matter thinks. You are you and you’ve worked long and hard to get here. Do the things that make you happy and be proud of them, don’t let anyone dictate what you should or shouldn’t like or listen to or play or watch. I am still the biggest nerd, I still play Pokemon, xbox, playstation; I still listen to Taylor Swift and love her very dearly. I’ve grown a lot in the past year and learnt new things and have new views, but they are also a part of who I am and nothing anyone says will change that. If it doesn’t make you happy, leave it behind.

3. Exercise, healthy eating and good sleep make you feel more energised and happier.
No seriously, for a year and a half I have proved this to myself time and time again when I relapse into bad eating and, in turn, crappy sleeping.
Be healthy. Seriously. It feels better.

I love the person I am today. And I love how happy I am. So all-in-all, I’m really not worried about turning thirty, because I feel like my life is exactly where it should be.


Sometimes in life there are these transcendental moments when you have no control and all you can do is shut your eyes and hope beyond hope that the universe knows what it’s doing with you.

So, when you make a big decision and it blows up in your face, you have a dozen options before you. You can go running back where you came from, you can run somewhere else, you can try again, you can start over. The easiest thing I guess is to run back to where you came from. Sometimes it feels impossible to let go of things, to move forward without them. And obviously by things I mean people.

I’m not going to use this blog as a type of self-psycho analysis. Just a small bit of venting here and there. I think that sometimes we really just need to find something to focus on and stick to it.

Now, to find my focus…